Daddy's Girl
by CPDFanGirl
Summary: "After 25 years what could he possibly have to say." Erin's Dad makes contact after 25 years.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I haven't forgot my other story. I just really wanted to write this story. It is almost finished so I hope to update it regularly.**

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Lindsay glanced in the rear view mirror of the unmarked car she was driving. Three cars back was a black sedan which she swore was following them. She changed lanes suddenly, flipped around a corner.

"What are doing?" Halstead asked from the seat beside her, "Paulie's is the other way."

"I know," she said slowing down and turning another corner, "we were being followed."

"Really? By who?"

"I don't know," she pulled back onto the main road and kept driving, "they're gone now."

They pulled into the parking lot at Paulie's, and went inside to collect the team's lunch order. The food wasn't ready yet so they sat down at a table and started talking about their current case. It was a slow week so far, which was a good and bad thing. Slow meant no one needed their help, slow meant they could catch up on paperwork, but slow also made everyone start to go a little stir crazy. Ordering lunch was a reason to get out of the district. While they waited they watched the crowd, watched the street, they both sat with their backs positioned slightly against the wall, they could see everything and no one could come up behind them. They never really stopped watching their surroundings. The black sedan pulled into the parking lot.

"That's the car," Lindsay said discreetly pointing, "black sedan, three cars down." They watched as a middle-aged man, wearing blue jeans, a worn leather jacket, and baseball cap stepped out. He looked around as if to check his surroundings and then walked inside. He went to the counter, ordered a sub and then sat down to wait.

"Are you sure he was following us?" Halstead asked in a whisper, "maybe he was just going to the same place."

"Maybe," she shook her head, she couldn't imagine why this man would be following them. When their order was ready they took it and left, the man was still at his table eating, he didn't follow them out the door.

…

Back at the station Lindsay tried to make light of what had happened, the more she thought about it the more she thought she'd been mistaken. The day finished without any major cases breaking, the guys wanted to head to Molly's for a drink but she was tired.

"I'm just going to go home, have an early night," she said picking up her coat. "You boys have fun."

She left on her own, began the short drive home. In her rear view mirror she spotted the black sedan again. She began to drive evasively changing lanes and taking corners too fast. She couldn't lose the car though, and she didn't feel safe driving home. Instead she circled back to go to Molly's, she parked her car behind Jay's and jogged the short distance to the door. Inside the bar wasn't crowded, she saw the guys, Jay, Adam and Kevin, all sitting around a table drinking beer.

"Hey it's Erin," Adam called waving her over.

Jay spun around in his chair, he could see she looked flushed and spooked, "What's up?" he asked.

"That car," she said in a whisper, "I swear it's following me again."

Jay nodded and offered her his drink, "Is it here?" he asked.

"I think so," she said taking a swig of the beer, "I didn't wait around to make sure."

"Okay," Jay said trying to think, "Me and Kevin will go out the front and check, you wait here with Adam. Take my drink."

Erin took another swig of the beer and sat down on Jay's chair. She told herself to relax, that she was just seeing things but a minute later Jay and Kevin came back. "He's out there," Jay said and she knew she wasn't seeing things. "What do you want us to do?"

"Come with me to talk to him," her instinct told her he wasn't dangerous, but she knew from experience looks could be deceiving.

Adam and Kevin left the bar first; they positioned themselves across the road from the car, a clear line of site if anything went wrong. Erin and Jay left next, they both had their guns pulled and approached the car cautiously. When they were half a car length away the window of the car came down and two hands stuck out the window.

"Don't shot me," the man yelled, as he reached out to open the door from the outside. Erin lowered her gun, but didn't put it away; she walked toward the open door while Jay came around to cover her.

"Who are you? Why are you following me?" she yelled at the man.

"Peter Russell," the man said holding out his hand, "private investigator. You're Erin Lindsay right?"

"Who wants to know?" she asked, still feeling unsure of this man.

"Your father hired me to find you," he said, "he wanted me to take some photos and give you this." He reached over to the passenger seat and picked up a yellow envelope. "He wanted me to tell you it's really important you read the letter."

She took the envelope from him but she didn't open it. "Get out of here," she said, "I don't want to see you around again." The man took off and Erin and Jay both holstered their guns.

"What did he give you?" Jay asked pointing to the average looking envelope.

"A letter from my father apparently," she said an annoyed tone in her voice, "he said it was important I read it but I haven't spoken to the guy in twenty-five years."

"So are you going to read it?"

"I don't know," she shoved the letter in her jacket pocket, "after all this time I can't imagine he could have anything I want to hear."

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 **AN: I hope I've got a few of you interested. If you'd like to read more please leave a review and let me know. :-)**


	2. Chapter 2

At home Erin pulled the envelope out her pocket and left it on her kitchen bench. She didn't want to read it, she didn't want to hear what her father had to say to her, after all this time he was dead to her. It had been twenty-five years since she last spoke to him, fifteen years since he'd been out of prison and not once in that time had he tried to contact her. When she was little she'd written him letters, right after he went to prison she wrote him letters and sent him drawings, she was only six and didn't understand why her daddy was gone. She'd loved her daddy, she'd been a daddy's girl through and through but he only wrote back to her twice and after a while she stopped sending him letters.

As she got older her love turned to hurt, and then anger, she'd been angry at him for not being there, for going away and leaving her alone with her mother. Her mother had never been any good at the parenting; it was her daddy who was always there for her, until he wasn't. She half expected him to make contact when he got out, she was living with the Voight's at the time but she knew when he was being released. Not once did he try to talk to her. At fifteen she'd wanted him to come and take her away, the Voight's were nice but at the time they weren't her family, they were just people she was staying with. He was her family but he never came.

Eventually she was able to turn the anger to indifference, she embraced the Voight's as her family and she put her father at the back of her mind. Until now, for the first time in years she went to bed thinking about her Dad.

…

 _"Daddy can I marry you?" Erin asked her Dad. She was six years old and it was the middle of summer. They were eating ice-cream in the park; while they watched some big boys play baseball._

 _"No sweetie," her dad said giving a big chuckle, "Daddies aren't allowed to marry their daughters."_

 _"Why not?" she asked looking up at him with the innocence of a child, "you said people get married when they love each other. I love you."_

 _"I love you too," he said mussing her hair, "but I'm already your family. You marry someone you love who isn't your family."_

 _"Like Toby?" she asked, a funny smile crossing her face; Toby was the boy who lived next door._

 _"Yeah like Toby," her dad smiled, "but you're not allowed to get married until you're all grown up."_

 _"Why?"_

 _"Because getting married is something grownups do."_

 _"Why?" she liked asking why, she wanted to know everything._

 _"Because getting married is a serious thing," he smiled at her, "it's supposed to last forever so you want to make sure you marry the right person."_

 _"Was mommy the right person?"_

 _"Of course sweetie," he smiled, "If I hadn't married mommy, I wouldn't have you."_

 _That wasn't what she wanted to know though, "Do you love mommy?" she asked after a moment._

 _"Yes, sweetie," he smiled down at her, "I love your mommy very much."_

 _She took a lick of her ice-cream and thought again, "Why do you always yell at each other then?"_

 _He gave her a thoughtful look; she could tell he was thinking how to answer her question. "Just because you love someone," he finally began, "doesn't mean you have to agree with them all the time. Your mom and I, we disagree sometimes but we still love each other and we both love you. Do you understand?"_

 _She didn't really understand but she didn't want to talk about it anymore, it made her feel sad when her mom and dad fought. "Yeah," she said taking a big lick of her ice-cream._

 _They sat on the bench until their ice-creams were all gone, then they started walking around the park. They went for lots of walks together, being home was difficult. Bunny was always drunk and always trying to start a fight. When that happened her Dad usually walked away and took her with him. She liked spending time with her dad; she liked the adventures they went on together._

 _As the sun was setting they made their way home. From half a block away they could hear the music coming from their home. Bunny was having another one of her 'parties'._

 _"I want you to go straight to your room," her dad told her as they walked up their front steps, "I'll come get you in a little bit."_

 _"Okay," she said knowing her mom and dad were about to have another fight._

 _From her bedroom she could hear her dad turn the music down, then the sound of their voices yelling at each other. They were always yelling at each other, that's why she liked going out with her dad so much. He didn't yell when he was with her. After ten minutes the yelling stopped, her bedroom door opened but it wasn't her dad it was her mom._

 _Her mom's breath smelt like beer, she was drunk like always. "Come on Erin we're leaving," she said grabbing her arm._

 _"I don't want to go," she said digging her heals in._

 _"I don't care what you want we're leaving," her mom said yanking her arm hard. Her elbow popped out of place and she screamed in pain. Her mom let her go._

 _"I'm not going," she said holding her arm to her side._

 _"Oh yes you are," her mom growled and she picked her up and threw her over her shoulder._

 _"Daddy," she screamed as her mom carried her through the house and towards the front door._

 _"Bunny leave Erin behind," her dad called out._

 _"No she's my kid, I'm taking her with me."_

 _"Daddy!" Erin screamed again as her mom threw her into the back of the car and slammed the door. Her mom climbed into the front seat and started the engine; she backed out the driveway fast and sped off down the road. Her dad ran after them screaming at them to stop._

 _Three blocks from the house the car came to a screeching stop and the world filled with a different kind of screaming. This was the screaming of pain, of a world being shattered and it was coming from the mouth of a woman she'd only ever seen in passing. The car had come to a stop pressed against a bus stop. Seconds later her dad was there pulling her out the car, getting her mom out the car._

 _"I want you to go back to the house," he was telling her mom, "take Erin with you, you were never here."_

 _"Daddy!" she didn't want to go with her mom, she wanted to stay with her dad, "Erin you need to go with your mom," he told her, "it's going to be okay, I love you."_

 _Her dad walked away and her mom picked her up and carried her down the road. She kicked and screamed and cried but her mom wouldn't let her go and her dad didn't come back._

…

Erin woke up with her heart racing and a feeling of anger and hurt running through her. She felt like she hadn't slept, and like she was broken inside. Her dream had been rooted in memory, it was the last day she'd seen her father, a day which had started off beautifully and ended in terror.

At six she hadn't understood what had happened, but now looking at it with the eyes of an adult, with the knowledge of a police officer she could see it. Bunny had done something bad and her father had taken the fall for it. That knowledge didn't change her feelings for him, in a way it made them worse. He didn't have to leave her, he choose to. She didn't want to hear what he had to say, she didn't want anything to do with him.

…

Two days passed, the envelope stayed in the spot she'd placed it that first night. She didn't want to read it but at the same time she couldn't bring herself to throw it away either. Jay came over and picked it up.

"Erin, are you going to open this?" he asked.

"No," she said pulling beers and vegetables from the fridge. "Put it down and help me here."

He put the envelope back and helped Erin put dinner together. They stir fried vegetables and covered them in soy sauce. They talked about the cases they were working on, they talked about sport and television, they tried not to talk about the envelope, but it was like a beacon that couldn't be ignored.

"You should open the envelope," Jay said eventually, "I know you want to, if you didn't it wouldn't still be sitting on your bench."

She looked at him annoyed, picked the envelope up and threw it in the trash, "Is that better?" she asked, "I don't want to read it. I don't want to know what he has to say, not now, not ever."

"Okay," Jay stepped back; he wasn't going to start an argument about the letter now. Instead they finished cooking dinner, and watched television together. Erin went to bed first, and when he was sure she was asleep he went back to the kitchen, pulled the envelope from the trash and opened it. He felt a little dirty opening the envelope, like he was stepping into something which was meant to be private between Erin and her father but if she wasn't going to read the letter he needed to read it. The PI had said it was important, he needed to know why. He needed to make sure Erin wasn't doing something she'd regret.

Inside the envelope was a small stack of photos, and a letter. He put the photos aside and started reading the letter; it was only short not quite a page long. A few sentences in he put it down, he didn't want to keep reading, the words written were too personal, too private, he folded it back up and put it and the photos back in the envelope. He left it sitting on the bench and went to bed. That night he held Erin close, in the morning he was going to make her read the letter, she needed to know what it said. If she wanted to keep ignoring her dad she could but not without hearing what he said to say.

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 **AN: Thanks for the reviews last time. If you're still enjoying the story please let me know and I'll do my best to keep the updates rolling. I'd love to hear your thoughts.**


	3. Chapter 3

"Morning," Jay said rolling over and kissing Erin behind her ear. She rolled over to face him and smiled.

"Morning," she said back, "what time did you get to bed last night?"

"Not too long after you," he said "I just had something I wanted to do." He kissed her forehead and pulled himself into a sitting position, "I'm going to go make breakfast. How about you go have a shower."

"Okay," she said still sounding half asleep; she rolled over again and pulled the covers back up.

Jay walked out the room and to the kitchen, he wanted to avoid a fight with Erin this morning but he also knew she needed to read the letter. Food and coffee were his best ideas for defusing the situation. He started the coffee pot and began pulling out the ingredients to make blueberry pancakes. He didn't make then often but when he did they were always a hit. He ate his while he cooked and started warming a plate for Erin's. By the time she came out of the bedroom he had everything ready and sitting on the dining table, a plate of pancakes, bottle of maple syrup, coffee, knives and forks, and the letter.

…

Erin walked out the bedroom and was greeted by the smell of freshly cooked pancakes. From where she stood she could see them sitting on the table. She smiled, and then she saw the envelope sitting next to her plate.

"Morning," Jay said coming up and giving her a kiss, "I made pancakes."

"I can see," she said but her smile was gone, "what's the envelope doing on the table?"

"You need to read it," he said in a serious tone, "you need to hear him out."

"You read it?" she asked, her tone getting accusing.

"Only the start," he told her, "that was enough to know you need to read it."

She walked pass him and over to the table, the pancakes smelt good, the coffee smelt good, "Go have a shower or something," she said not looking at him, "I don't want to talk to you right now."

"I'll give you some privacy," he said and he was gone.

Erin sat down at the table, she was mad at Jay for opening the envelope, for reading the letter inside, but at the same time she trusted his judgement, if he said she needed to read it, she probably needed to read it. She took a sip of her coffee, poured syrup over her pancakes and began eating. The food and the coffee calmed her inside, when she'd devoured half of everything she picked up the envelope. Inside she saw a few photos, and a single piece of paper. She flipped though the photos quickly barely registering what they were, a school photo from when she was about five, an image of her and her dad at the beach, and shots taken from the crowd at her high school and academy graduations. She put the photos aside and picked up the letter, she took a sip of coffee and began reading.

 _Dear Erin,_

 _I'm sorry I wasn't the father you needed to be. I'm sorry I haven't been there you for. You owe me nothing but I'm begging you please hear me out. I need your help. You have a sister, her name is Casey, she's eight years old and she's sick. Twelve months ago she was diagnosed with leukaemia, she fought it really hard and after six months of treatment she went into remission. Four weeks ago she relapsed and her doctor says she needs a bone marrow transplant. My wife and I are not a match, her doctor is searching the donor register but he said a sibling might be her best chance. Please will you get yourself tested? You don't have to talk to me, I understand if you never want to speak to me but she's just a little girl. Her doctor's details are below, if you phone him he will organise everything._

With every sentence Erin felt her guts twist and a lump in her throat grow.

 _Please. She's such a sweet little girl, and so much like you. I sometimes call her Erin and she always laughs at me, she knows about you, she knows her Daddy had another little girl and that he made a mistake in letting her go. I included her last school photo, I wanted you to see how much like you she is._

Erin picked up the school photo, the one she thought was of her and she looked closer. Her jaw dropped when she realised it wasn't. The resemblance was striking, right down to the dimple on only one side.

 _I also wanted you to know I was there, even if I couldn't bring myself to speak to you, I was there. I watched your high school graduation, and I had never felt more proud. You were the first person in my family to finish high school. And then when you graduated from the police academy I was there as well. I couldn't bring myself to talk to you, you looked so happy with the Voight's, I didn't want to ruin your day. But I want you to know I am so incredibly proud of the woman you've become._

She picked up the graduation photos; they were both taken from the back of the crowd. In one she could even make out the back of Camille's head. He'd been there; she felt her heart begin to race even more. She'd thought he'd forgot about her. Emotions twisted inside of her, she didn't know if she wanted to be grateful or angry.

 _The last photo is a copy of one of my favourites. Do you remember that day?_

Erin closed her eyes, she remembered that day. She hadn't thought about it in a long time but she did remember it. It was a steaming hot day in the middle of summer, the air conditioner was broken at home so they'd come to the beach to cool off. It was the first time she'd been to the beach. She'd never seen so much water in one spot and it scared her. But her dad was there and he made it better. He held her in his arms while they walked into the water, and then slowly but surely he let her go. That was the day he taught her to swim.

 _I remember the look in your eyes when you first saw the water. I think you were both mesmerised and terrified. I remember how tightly you wrapped your arms around my neck as we walked into the water. I remember the feeling of slowly letting you go, and the look you had when you realised it was okay. I remember the gleam in your eyes when you worked out you could float, when I started throwing you in the air, you said it felt like you were flying._

 _I'm sorry we couldn't make more of those memorise. I screwed up and I understand if you've moved on. I understand if you don't want to speak to me but please for Casey, will you get yourself tested. And if you do want to talk to me, I'm here now. I won't hide in the corner this time._

 _Love Always,_

 _Daddy_

Erin gulped; she didn't know if she wanted to be happy, sad, angry. She had so many emotions turning around inside of her. She was close to tears but not quite there, she didn't want to cry. She took a sip of her coffee and tried to calm herself down. She stared at the photos, all four of them and tried to make sense of them. Behind her she heard Jay walking towards her. He stood behind her and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"Not yet," she said sipping more coffee. She took a long slow breath and picked up the photos and letter. She slipped them all back in the envelope and stood up. She put the envelope in her bag and picked up her keys. "Lets go," she said walking out the door.

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 **AN: So now you know what Erin's dad wants. I hope you're still interested in seeing where this goes. I would love to hear your thoughts, reviews or PMs. I'll do my best to keep the updates rolling. Thanks for the reviews last time.**


	4. Chapter 4

Erin sat at her desk; it was late in the evening. Spread out in front of her were the photos, all day they'd been running through the back of her mind. It didn't surprise her that father had gone and got himself a new family, a little part of her always suspected it. What got her was the declaration that he cared about her, the proof that he was there, on the most important days of her life; he was there even if she didn't know it. She couldn't figure it out though, she'd graduated high school in 2003, the school had been almost paranoid about something terrible happening. You couldn't get into the ceremony without an invitation, and they'd held those close to their chest. When Hank lost his, she'd had to jump through so many hoops to get him another one. They'd been worried some random might gate crash the graduation.

She smiled at the thought, a random had kind of gate crashed the graduation, then the next thought hit her, _did Hank give him the invitation? Was Hank talking to her father the whole time and didn't tell her?_ The thought made her feel angry; she didn't want to think Hank would intentionally keep him from her. The thought kept circling through her mind and then she started thinking back to her academy graduation. Her eyes went to the paper weight; she'd been given that day. Hank and Camille and Justin had given her plenty of gifts that day, the paper weight had been one of the last, and had seemed out of place when compared to the other gifts. She picked it up and began running her fingers across its rough surface. She wasn't really looking for anything in particular but then she felt something she'd never noticed before. Engraved between the last ring of grooves was a message. The letters were so tiny she had to pull a magnifying glass out to read it.

 _To my monkey, blow them away. Love Daddy_

Her jaw dropped again. In all the years the weight had sat pride of place on her desk, she loved that weight but it would seem for all the wrong reasons. She picked up the photos, the letter, the weight, and walked into Hank's office. They were the only ones there but she shut the door anyway.

"Lindsay," he looked up from his paperwork, smiled at her, "what's up?"

She gulped; she hadn't really thought this through. "Did you hear I had a private investigator following me earlier?" she asked.

"No." Hank put his pen and lent towards her, "what did he want?"

"He had a letter for me, from my father." She watched Hank's body language for ques, signs that he might be hiding something.

"What did he want?" Hank asked not giving anything away.

"My help," she replied, not feeling ready to tell Hank everything, "but that's not why I want to talk. He put some photos in there too, they were from my graduations. He said he was there."

"Really?" Hank asked, he sat up more, leant back in his chair.

"Yeah," Erin nodded, "but what I don't get is how he got in. You couldn't get in without an invitation or your name on the door. Do you know how he got in?"

She asked the question and watched for Hank's reaction, he tensed for a moment, she saw a thought almost cross his eyes. They didn't lie to each other, that fact was the backbone of their relationship. "I helped him," Hank said, and she felt a little part of her break inside, the trust she'd had in Hank fractured slightly, "after he got out of prison he tracked you down."

"You?" it was what she expected but hearing it still hurt, "why didn't you tell me? Why didn't he talk to me?"

"We decided it would be best if you didn't know. You were sixteen, you'd only just got settled living with us, you were finally doing well at school. We didn't want to confuse you."

"But he was my dad," the hurt in her voice was undeniable.

"I know," Hank said softening his voice, "but he'd just got out of prison, he didn't have a job, he was living in a halfway house. It was no place for a teenager, and we both knew you'd go with him, we agreed it wasn't what was best."

"I thought he forgot about me, I thought he didn't care." Inside of her everything was twisted and messed up, she was angry, hurt, confused. All the years of resentment she'd held for her father were twisting, all the years of thinking he didn't care weren't black and white anymore. Everything had fallen into this massive grey, she was angry at Hank for keeping her dad from her, angry at her dad for letting Hank do that. She could see where Hank was coming from, but it didn't make all the other feelings go away.

"I'm sorry," Hank said, leaning towards her, "but it was for the best."

"You should have told me, if not then, sometime in the last ten years." She stood up to leave, she had the answer she was looking for, she didn't want to talk about it anymore. "I'll be in late tomorrow," she said walking towards the door, "I have some errands to run."

…

Walking into her apartment, Erin's mind was still a flood of conflicting emotions. Jay wasn't there, he was at his apartment catching up with Will. She was glad to have the place to herself, it was hard for her to be vulnerable in front of people, she was just getting used to the idea with Jay so she was grateful for the privacy. She'd talk to him eventually but not yet.

She dumped her bag on the counter and walked to the fridge, she pulled herself out a beer and some left over Chinese. She heated up the food and took both things to the bedroom. Sitting everything down on her bedside table she went to her closet. She opened up a small step ladder and climbed up, hidden right at the back of the top shelf, behind her spare pillows was, the box containing everything she had left of her father. She hadn't touched the box since she'd moved into the apartment, and even then she hadn't opened it. She pulled the box from its hiding spot and brought it down. She sat it on the bed in front of her while she ate some food, drank some beer.

It had been so long since she'd opened the box she wasn't sure what she'd left in it. For ten minutes she just stared at it, ate and drank. She could feel her heart rate increasing, her body filling with an energy of nervousness and dread, anticipation. The box was small, not a shoebox but a music box. At one point it had been pale pink but it was now more a yellow dirty colour. She picked it up and began examining the outside, the box itself was a memory, her dad had given it to her for her forth birthday. If she thought hard she could still remember that day. She wanted to be a ballerina, and she'd danced to the twinkling music all day, she'd danced to that music for months. She'd loved the music box so much she'd carried it around in her school bag, which was the only reason she still had it now, everything else from her childhood got lost somewhere between one house and another. She moved house a lot with Bunny.

She opened the box slowly, between the crack she could see the tiny ballerina begin to stand. When the box was fully open the music started to play. The sound sent a tingle through her body, she felt warm inside. She watched the figure spin slowly around and around while the music played. It made her smile, but after a few minutes the music stopped. She drew her attention to the things inside the box, a small stone shaped like a heart, a paper frog, a couple of photos, and the two letters and birthday cards her dad sent her after he went away.

Each item represented a memory, she picked the stone up, rubbed it through her fingers, it was from a day they went adventuring. The two of them had taken off together, in the car they drove for hours, stopping at playgrounds, and parks, they went hiking through what seemed like a massive forest, went looking for seeds and flowers, and other interesting things. Her dad had found the stone; he'd given it to her and said he was giving her his heart, that he loved her so much. Remembering that day brought a smile to her face, everything had been so simple then. Just her and her daddy; out exploring the world. They went on a lot of adventures like that, just the two of them. She hadn't realised it at the time but even back then Bunny's alcoholism was a problem. Her dad had shielded her from it, protected her the only way he knew how.

Her memories of her dad were all good; he'd been the best daddy she could have asked for right up until the moment he wasn't there anymore. She put the stone back in the box, closed it, she didn't want to look at the other things anymore, too much emotion was being stirred up already. She put the box back in the closet and took what was left of dinner to the lounge room. She sat down and ate with the television playing in the background. When she was finished she picked up the phone and called the doctor, as much as her feelings for her dad were conflicted, she wouldn't hold that against the girl, she couldn't think of her as her sister yet. If she could help her she would, the girl didn't deserve to suffer for her father's mistakes.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Another little part for the couple of people who left reviews. If you like the story and want to see more please let me know, I hating having to say that but I want to feel excited about posting the story instead of having some minor dread and wondering if I should really be bothered sharing something which I've enjoyed writing.**

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The screening process was simple, go down to the clinic, fill in a bunch of paperwork, and have some blood drawn. In less than an hour Erin was leaving with a Band-Aid on the crook of her arm as the only sign of what she'd been doing. She took the Band-Aid off as soon as she could, Jay was the only one who knew what she was doing and she wanted to keep it that way. It wasn't in anyone in the unit's nature pry but she didn't want to give them reason to either. They said it could take a week or two for the results to come back, if the preliminary tests looked good she'd need to come back for additional screenings. It wasn't a quick process but it was necessary to make sure everything was right.

…

"Did you do it?" Jay asked in a hushed voice as they stood together in the breakroom pouring coffee.

"Yeah," she said taking a sip of her drink, "it'll be a week or so before we get the results."

"Okay," he said pouring sugar into his drink, "if you want to talk about it, I'm here."

"I know," she said giving him a reassuring smile and placing a hand on his arm. It looked like she wanted to say more but the moment was broken by Olinsky walking into the room.

"Voight wants us in the bullpen," he said, "a case has come in."

They walked out the room, coffees in hand. They all stood around the board as Voight began laying out the details of their case. Homicide was flicking them one of their cases they'd hit a dead end on, the hope was new eyes would find something they'd missed. The skeletal remains of a teenager or small woman, along with clothes and other stuff had been found buried in the woods. Their first job was to identify the person; so far the description didn't match any missing person report.

The case consumed them, anything with young people was always hard, but not even knowing who the person was, if it was an adult or a child made it even harder. They worked sixteen hour days, came home just long enough to sleep, there was no time for talking about anything else.

Erin pushed the stuff with her dad out her mind, she didn't think about it, not until ten days later when the doctor phoned her back. The preliminary tests said she was a match; he wanted her to go back to the clinic and have more blood drawn so they could run more tests.

"Okay, I'll come in tomorrow morning," she said before putting her phone down. Her whole body was trembling slightly, and her heart was racing.

"Are you okay?" she looked up and saw Jay standing by her desk, he knelt down to be at eye level with her, "you look like two shades of colour just left you face."

"I'm a match," she said her voice barely louder than a whisper, "they want me to go give more blood tomorrow for some more tests."

"Is that a good thing?" he asked judging by her physical reaction he couldn't tell.

"I guess," she said but she didn't sound convinced.

"You need to talk this out?" he offered giving her a small squeeze, "I'm going to get everyone's lunch orders, then we're going for a drive."

…

Erin didn't say anything as they drove away from the station. The air was full of a loud silence they could feel the words not being said.

"What are you thinking about?" Jay finally asked.

"Nothing," Erin said but that was a lie, so many things were running around inside her head.

"Really?" She could hear the doubt in his voice, there wasn't much she could get by him.

She swallowed, kept her eyes on the road. "That woman," she finally said, "If Voight hadn't taken me in, that could have been me. That's where I was heading, a shallow grave in the middle of the forest, with no one to even notice I was gone."

"Surely Bunny would have?" Jay asked, he knew Erin and her mom had their issues but in a twisted way she still seemed to care about her.

"Not back then," Erin said shaking her head, "She might have noticed eventually but she was in her own bad place. Voight saved my life," she paused took a breath, here was the problem, "now I find out my dad came looking for me, and he kept him from me. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, I don't want to hate Voight, he's been my only family for so long, but…" her voice trailed off, the words she wanted to say gone.

Jay reached over, placed a hand on her leg and gave a small squeeze, he wanted her to know he was listening but he didn't want to interrupt her. He waited and soon her words came back.

"He lied to me, about something big. For years I've held Voight up on this pedestal, I held all this hurt and loss and resentment for my dad, and now I don't know what to think." She paused again, changed lanes, "I wanted my dad to come back, even after the Voight's took me in, I wanted him to come take me away. He was a good man. Every memory I have of him is good. He never hurt me, I loved him, and now I find out Voight kept him from me, that he agreed to it. I want to be angry but I just feel hurt and confused."

"I'm sure they had their reasons," Jay offered.

"They did," she said letting out a sigh, "but that doesn't change what they did."

"No," Jay said. They'd made it to Paulie's, Erin parked the car, the conversation paused.

"Have you got the orders?" Erin asked as they walked into the store.

"Yep," he said pulling out the piece of paper, "you grab a seat, I'll be over soon."

Erin took a seat at their favourite table, she knew Jay wanted her to talk but she hadn't planned on telling him so much. She didn't want him to know how messed up she was in her head. She was angry at her dad, an emotion she'd let go with him years ago, she was angry at him now for reaching out to her, she understood his reasoning but if his other girl wasn't sick, she doubted he ever would have. It made her feel a bit worthless and unimportant.

Jay wanted to help Erin but he was at a loss for what to actually say to her, he'd never gone through that, never felt that kind of betrayal. He got why she was so confused.

"Do you want to keep talking?" he asked when he came to sit with her.

"Maybe," she said shrugging her shoulders, "I don't know what I want." She picked up the salt shaker and began playing with it. Jay waited to see if she'd say any more but her train of thought seemed to be lost.

"What are you going to do?" He asked after a moment.

"Go to St Louis," she said not looking up, "donate the bone marrow. I don't know what else."

"Are you going to talk to your dad?"

"I don't know, maybe," she said tipping salt on the table, "I don't want to, the doctor says I don't have to, that he won't even tell them it is me donating if I don't want him to."

"Have you told Voight?"

"He knows my dad wrote, he doesn't know why."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Probably not, he doesn't need to know why I'm putting in for leave."

"He'll want to know," Jay said as the waitress walked over with their order.

"I'll think of something," she said standing up, "shall we go?"


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Thank you for the last reviews. I really truly appreciate them. This part is the transition to get the story into the next phase. As always please let me know if you want to see more. :-)**

* * *

Another week passed, they kept working the case but there were still no breaks. Erin didn't talk anymore about what was going on with her dad. She managed to put it all out of her mind and just think about work. Another case came in, a tip about a cross border smuggling operation, the team needed to work out what they were smuggling and when, which raised the question, was the tip even real. She was glad it was so busy, that she could bounce from one case to the next, not think about anything else. When the doctor phoned to tell her all the test results were in and she was confirmed as the best match, she'd almost forgot about all that junk. Almost, even with all the work it was still the first thing which came into her mind as soon as she let her guard down.

She took another morning off work, didn't tell anyone but Jay why she was coming in late. He offered to come with her but she said she wanted to do it on her own. She drove down to the clinic, waited for the doctor. The wait wasn't long, only a few minutes but it seemed longer, in the waiting room was a girl who looked like she was in the middle of a cancer treatment. She smiled at Erin, at which point she realised, she'd been staring. She'd been thinking about Casey and what she might look like now.

"I like your top," she said saying something to fill the awkward space.

"Thanks," the girl smiled as both their doctors arrived.

Her doctor lead Erin to his office, told her to take a seat, she sat on one side of his desk, he sat on the other.

"Thank you for coming down this morning," he told her, "we've got a bit to get through. I'm going to do it as fast as I can but stop me if you have any questions."

He pulled out a stack of paperwork and began going through things. He explained to her the two methods they might use to collect the bone marrow, that they would either use large needles to draw the marrow directly from her bones, or that she would have to have injections for five days to make the stem cells go into her blood stream and then they'd use a process called apheresis to get the stem cells from her blood. He said it would be Casey's doctor who'd determine which method was used. He explained the risks of the procedures to her, and finally asked if she was sure she wanted to go through with it. He said at this point she could still pull out but once he'd spoken to Casey's doctor and she'd began her preconditioning procedures, she'd cross a point of no return. He said at that point she could still pull out but Casey would likely die if they couldn't find another donor. Erin listened to the words but she'd already made up her mind, she was going to do it. She signed the consent forms and walked out the clinic with a new sense of purpose and a small feeling of excited dread.

…

Erin printed a leave form from her computer and started filling it out. She was scheduled the fly out to St Louis in ten days but hadn't had time to ask for the week off. She hadn't wanted to deal with the string of questions Hank would ask her. She'd been trying to think of a good enough story, something which wasn't a lie but wasn't the whole truth either. On the form she wrote her reason for leave simply as 'need time off'. She waited until the end of the day when everyone else had left before she ventured into Hank's office.

"I need to take some days off," she said handing him the form.

He looked down at the dates, and back up at her. "This isn't really a good time to be taking a week off," he said.

"I know," she said sitting down, "but there's never a good time. There's always new cases coming in, it never stops. I need to take the week off; I need to get out of the city for a bit."

She could see him thinking it over. It was a big deal for her to ask for a week off, no one ever asked for time off. "Okay," he finally said, signing the paper, "where are you going?"

"St Louis," she said shrugging her shoulders.

"St Louis?" Hank asked leaning back in his chair, "why there?"

She wondered if he knew about her father, if he knew that was where he was living now. "I've never been," she said sounding as flippant as possible, "I've heard it's nice." Both statements were true, but not really the answer to his question. She waited for him to ask a follow up, he knew her dad had written, would he ask her about it directly?

"I've heard that too." He finally said smiling, "I hope you enjoy your trip."

"Thanks," she said standing up to leave, "I'm going to head off. Have a good night."

….

 _Ten Days Later_

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" Jay asked.

"I'm sure," Erin replied. It was Friday morning and she was due to fly out to St Louis that evening. Her bag was already packed and she had one more day of work to get though. She was glad the day had finally arrived; the waiting had been getting to her more than anything. She didn't know what she was going to do about her dad. He didn't know she was the one donating and she hadn't made up her mind whether she would tell him. She wasn't sure if she wanted to talk to him, some days she was sure she would, other days she didn't want to have anything to do with him.

"I need to do this on my own," she told him.

"Okay," he said giving her a small kiss, "let me know if you change your mind."

"Voight's, not going to like you taking leave too," she smiled.

"I'll worry about Voight," he told her, "if you want me there, let me know."

"I'll be fine," she said walking away from him, "we've got work to do."

…

 _Next morning_

The hospital smelt like disinfectant; that was the first thing Erin noticed. She didn't like hospitals, but for once she was going there to do something good. She asked for directions to the paediatric oncology unit where she was meeting Casey's doctor, today they would go through the final details of the harvesting procedure, run any last tests, and answer any last questions. The harvest was scheduled for tomorrow morning.

Everything the doctor told her she already knew, he was going through the details at a high level but there was one question she needed to ask.

"Does it have to be a general anaesthetic?"

"Why?" the doctor asked sounding surprised, "Do you have a problem with general anaesthetic?"

"I used to be a heroin addict," she told him, "I've been clean for fifteen years but I don't know how I'd go with a general."

"You'd more than likely be fine," the doctor told her, "but we can use a spinal block instead. It will mean you'll be awake through the whole procedure though. Some people find that quite unnerving."

"I'd rather that," she said not thinking she'd have any issue with being awake, "I'd rather not have any pain meds either."

"Okay," the doctor said making notes on his chart, "that's all I have to say, do you have any more concerns or questions?"

"No," she said shaking her head.

"Good," the doctor smiled, "would you like to meet Casey?"


	7. Chapter 7

**AN:** **Thanks for the reviews last time. This part is for everyone who asked for it. I hope you like it. :-)**

* * *

 _"Would you like to meet Casey?"_

The question surprised Erin more than anything; meeting Casey hadn't even been on her radar as something she could do. She wanted to meet the girl, she thought about her a lot, wondered what she was like but she didn't think it was an option, not without meeting her father, without losing her anonymity.

"Can I do that?" she asked, "without telling them who I am?"

"Maybe," the doctor told her, "shall we go for a walk?"

She followed him out his office and down a corridor. As they walked he explained to her the system and the loop holes in it which allowed him to introduce her to Casey if she wanted. He wouldn't tell them who she was but he made no promises that they wouldn't work it out for themselves. They stopped in a room full of gowns and masks, he told her to put some on while he did the same thing. When she was finished she was covered from head to toe, even her shoes were covered. Her eyes were the only thing visible to identify her, she was going to do this she thought and a smile began spreading across her face.

"We're going to the isolation rooms," he told her, "this is where the kids stay while they're getting ready for their bone marrow transplants. The kids in here have no immune systems so we need to make sure we don't bring any germs in."

"Okay," Erin nodded as she tied her face mask on.

"They won't know who you are," he told her, "come on."

A shiver ran through Erin's body as she entered the ward. It was arranged in a circular shape with a nurse's station in the centre. All around were rooms with large windows facing into the ward. In each room was a kid, some kids were tiny, other looked like teenagers, some had parents with them, others didn't.

"That's Casey," he said pointing to a girl in the second room. She was in the room by herself, drawing in a sketch book. "I'm going to find out where her parents are."

Erin nodded, her gaze already fixed on the girl. Even from this distance she could recognise herself in the child's mannerisms. After a few minutes the doctor came back, "her parents have gone down to the cafeteria for coffee," he told her, "I'm going to go down and have a chat to them, you'll have about twenty minutes, if you want to go talk to her."

"Okay," Erin nodded, and she took in a deep breath, talking to Casey wasn't on her schedule for today, but now she'd seen her she wanted to know more.

"I'll introduce you, come on," the doctor said walking back to the room. Erin followed feeling a little nervous and unsure of herself. She'd talked to a lot of kids, she was good with kids but there was always a motive to the conversation, always a reason for talking to them, always something she wanted to find out. There was nothing like that with Casey, she wanted to know about her but she wasn't questioning her.

"Hi Casey," the doctor said smiling.

"Hi Doctor Mark," Casey said looking up from her drawing, "do you need more blood from me?"

"No not right now," he said still smiling, "I wanted to introduce you to my friend Erin."

"Hi," Casey smiled.

"Hi," Erin said stepping forward, "what are you drawing?"

"A beluga whale," Casey said holding the paper up, "his name's Bailey, he's from Finding Dory."

"Cool," Erin said bending down to take a closer look.

"I'll be back to see you later Casey," the doctor said stepping back, "is it okay if Erin hangs out with you for a bit?"

"Okay," Casey said not sounding fazed. The doctor walked out the room.

"I like your drawing," Erin said trying to work out what to say to this kid.

"Thanks," Casey shrugged, "I didn't used to like drawing but then I got sick and stuck in bed so now all I can do is draw and read books and watch movies, I used to play board games too but they're not allowed in this room."

"You're good at drawing," Erin offered, "I was never good at drawing, but then I didn't have much time to practice."

Casey shrugged and turned around in her bed, "do you like reading?" she asked, picking up a stack of books and putting them on the bed in front of her.

"Sometimes," Erin said picking up one of the books, "I wasn't very good at reading when I was your age."

"I'm the best in my class," Casey smiled, "I've read all these books, some of them twice."

"Really?" Erin smiled, she began flicking through the pages in one of the books and started laughing, there was an illustration of two boys and a marshmallow machine shooting marshmallows into their mouths.

"What are you laughing at?" Casey asked. Erin turned the book around and showed Casey the page. A big smile spread across Casey's face and she took the book from Erin, "I like this." She said flipping a few more pages. She showed a picture of the two boys drinking from a giant lemonade fountain. "They get to drink all the lemonade they want."

"Nice," Erin smiled; she was finally starting to feel comfortable with the kid. "Would you like to read some of the story to me?"

"Okay," Casey smiled and she turned the book to the first page.

For the next twenty minutes they read the book together. They laughed at the silly pictures and the antics that the two boys in the story Andy and Terry got up to. It was nice; they both seemed to be enjoying themselves, then the door to Casey's room opened.

"What's so funny?" a familiar voice asked. Erin looked up, standing by the door was her dad and the woman she assumed was his new wife. Like her they were completely decked out in protective gowns and face masks, she could only see his eyes but she'd recognise his voice anywhere.

"Terry and Andy," Casey said, oblivious to what was happening around her.

"You're reading that again," her mom said stepping forward.

"Erin wanted me to," Casey said, a small chuckle still in her voice.

"Erin?" Casey's mom stepped forward, held out her hand, "who are you?"

Erin hesitated, she hadn't thought how to answer that question, she hadn't planned to be in the room still when Casey's parents came back but she'd been having too much fun.

"She's Doctor Mark's friend," Casey answered for her.

"Yes," Erin answered shaking the woman's hand, "I know Doctor Mark. You've got an amazing little girl here." She said trying to find something to say, there was an awkward pause, "I've got to go." she said stepping back, "It was nice to meet you Casey," she said, then she bolted out the door. She didn't look back but she immediately heard footsteps coming up behind her.

"Erin," she heard her father call out to her, "wait." She didn't want to talk to him; she hadn't even wanted him to know she was there. She tried to keep walking but he caught her in a few steps, put his hand on her shoulder. She turned to face him and their eyes caught properly for the first time. "It is you." He said looking at her properly, "you got my letter."

"Yeah," she said twisting away from his grip, "I've got to go."

"Wait," he tried to reach out for her again but she was too far away, "can we talk?"

"No. I'm here to help Casey, that's all." She turned and walked away before he could grab her again, he called out to her but this time she didn't stop. Outside the ward she ripped off the protective clothing and headed down the first stairwell she came to. Inside she was shaking slightly, seeing her father had sent a surge of unexpected adrenalin running through her body. He sounded exactly like she remembered him; all the emotions she'd been supressing were pushing to get out. She tried to steady herself; all she could do was keep walking. She walked all the way out the hospital, and started walking along the road. She had no idea where she was going, if she got lost she could pull up a map but for now she just needed to keep moving. After an hour she found herself on the edge of the main shopping district. She began gazing in the windows of shops, until she found herself walking inside a book store.

She didn't read a lot, she couldn't remember the last time she'd been inside a book store but there she was standing browsing the children's book section. She picked up the book she'd been reading with Casey, '13 Story Treehouse' and started reading. She finished the book and went to put it down, that's when she noticed it was the first one in a series, on the shelf sat '26 Story Treehouse', '39 Story Treehouse' all the way up to '78 Story Treehouse'. She hadn't seen the other books in Casey's book collection; she picked up the second and third books in the series, carried them to the register and brought them. The idea of getting Casey a present hadn't crossed her mind until she was actually buying it but it made her feel good.

She was still in a weird mental place, she couldn't quite work out her feelings for her dad, she didn't know how she was supposed to be feeling about him. There was the little girl in her head who wanted to put aside all the years of neglect and have her Daddy back and then there was the teenager and adult who couldn't shake the fact he'd ignored her for years and only got back in touch because he needed something from her. She found a café to eat dinner at, walked back to her hotel and spent the evening watching random television shows.

* * *

 **AN: I hope you enjoyed that. I would love to here your thoughts. If you want to see more let me know :-)**

 **Also the book Erin and Casey were reading is real. I'd highly recommend it and any other book written by Andy G** **riffith and illustrated by Terry Denton for any kids 7 - 12 years. My little sister loves them.**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Another update to keep the story rolling. Thank for the reviews last time. Would love to hear your thoughts, and let me know if you want to read more.**

* * *

The morning of the procedure Erin dressed in a pair of black legging, a plain white t-shirt, and black slip on shoes. She was expecting to return to her hotel in the evening and the doctor had suggest she wear something comfortable, that she was likely to be a bit stiff and sore from the procedure. At the hospital she didn't go straight to check in; instead she made her way to the children's oncology ward. She wanted to see Casey again, she wanted to give her the books and wish her luck with her transplant.

At the entrance to the ward she dressed in the protective clothing, it was only then that is occurred to her that she might not be able to just give the books to Casey, that they might need to go through some sterilisation process. She couldn't do anything about it now though; she walked into the ward and to the nurse's station.

"I have some books for Casey Lindsay," she said to the woman sitting behind the counter, "can you give them to her?"

The woman held out her hand, and took the books, she flipped through the pages and smiled, "you can give them to her yourself if you want," she offered.

Erin looked over at Casey's room; her mom and dad were in there with her. "No it's okay. If you could just make sure she gets them," she said stepping away. As much as she wanted to see Casey again, she didn't have the time or energy for anther conversation with her father.

Instead she made her way to Dr Mark's office, and began the admission process. She was shown into a hospital room and told to change into a hospital gown. Then she was told to wait. After a half hour a nurse came in.

"I need you to take these pills," she told her, handing her a small cup with two white pills in it.

"What is it?" Erin asked, with her medical history she didn't want to just blindly follow any direction.

"A mild sedative," the nurse told her, "It'll help you relax before the doctors come in to administer the anaesthesia."

"No thanks," she said pushing the pills away, "I told Dr Mark, I don't want to take any sedatives."

"Okay," the nurse said walking away, "Dr Mark will be in to see you soon."

For the first time Erin became nervous about the procedure. Why had they tried to give her a sedative, she told them she didn't want it. She stared pacing uncomfortably around the room, then picked up her phone and called Jay.

"Hey Erin, how's it going in St Louis," Jay's voice echoed down the phone line.

"Alright," Erin said, though the tone in her voice said it wasn't all alright, "I'm just waiting for them to start the procedure."

"What's wrong?" Jay asked picking up on the tone in her voice.

"Nothing," she said with a sigh, "I'm just ready for this to be over. I can't wait to get home."

"I can't wait for you to get back either," he said, a tone of concern entering his voice, "Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

"Yeah," she said with another sigh, "I'm just feeling tired and a bit anxious, I haven't been sleeping well."

"It won't be much longer," he offered, and as if to prove his point the doctors walked into the room.

"The doctors are here," she told him, "I'll talk to you later."

She hung up the phone and turned her attention to the two men in front of her. Dr Mark introduced her to her anaesthetist, and they began the process of numbing her lower body. She lay on her side with her knees pulled to her chest. Her hospital gown was pulled open exposing her back. She felt the first needle go in and a small stinging sensation.

"We've just given you a local anaesthetic," the anaesthetist told her, "we'll give it a minute and then I'll give the spinal block."

"Okay," Erin nodded but she could already feel her anxiety increasing.

"I'm going to put the spinal block in now," the doctor told her, "I need you to stay as still as possible."

She felt the needle go in and she flinched slightly. "Stay still," the doctor told her again, "It's almost there." It was a strange sensation feeling the needle pass through her back, then a sharp pain raced down her leg. The pain took her breath away and it was a moment before she could tell the doctor.

"My leg hurts," she finally managed to get out.

"Okay," the doctor said, "let me just adjust the needle. She felt him twist the needle and the pain went away. "How's that?" he asked.

"Better," she said but the feeling had left her feeling even more uneasy.

"I'm going to inject the medications now," he told her, "your legs are going to start to feel quite heavy."

She felt the medication enter her spine. Five seconds later her whole body started itching. "Why do I feel itchy?" she asked. There was only one other circumstance in her life where she felt like this, when she was coming down from heroin, the sensation completely freaked her out, her heart started racing.

"Itching is sometimes a side effect of the pain medication we administer with the numbing ones," the doctor told her, "hold on I've got something I can do about it." She felt a third needle go into her back and another medication enter her system. The itching subsided.

"I don't want any pain meds," she told the doctor, "and no sedatives either. I can handle this."

"Okay," the doctor told her but she was already doubting if she could trust him. "It'll take about ten minutes for the spinal block to take effect," he told her, "so we'll see how it's going when we get to the OR."

In the OR she was helped from her bed to the table. Her legs were feeling weird and heavy, like they were there but not there. The doctor started poking at her legs and feet, testing her sensations and how well the anaesthesia was working. She could still feel her legs but they didn't feel the same, if she thought really hard she could still move them.

"The anaesthesia hasn't worked as well as I'd like," the doctor told her, "I'm going to give you another dose." She was helped onto her side and the process was repeated. This time some of the medication went up her spine instead of down.

"I can't breathe," she said as a million thoughts started racing through her system.

"You're breathing just fine," the doctor told her, "some of the medication has numbed a bit of your chest muscles but I assure you, you're breathing."

"I can't breathe," she said again. It didn't matter what the doctors told her now, a mental switch had flicked inside of her and she was freaking out. Her heart rate was increasing, her blood pressure was all over the place, and her breathing started to become erratic.

"Erin you need to calm down," Dr Mark said stepping to her side, "I can't do the harvest until you calm down."

All around her monitors started to go off, she wanted to calm down but right now it was easier said than done. "Let me give her a sedative," she heard the anaesthetist say.

"No," Erin and Dr Mark said at once.

"You can do this Erin," Dr Mark said, trying to get her to focus, but she was already past the point of no return, her thoughts were in an ever compounding circle of fear. The fear of not being able to breath, the fear of a sedative and what it would do to her, the fear of not helping Casey. She knew if she didn't pull herself together Casey would almost certainly die.

"Can I help?" the voice came into the OR through the intercom, standing on the other side of the glass, already decked out in a surgical gown and mask was Casey's dad, her dad.

Dr Mark let him in. He sat on a chair at her head and looked like he belonged, like he'd been there before.

"I'm going to touch your head," he said speaking directly to her, "I want you to close your eyes and try to block out everything around you."

She did as he said because it was better than nothing. He began with just massaging her head and then he stated singing. In a voice rough and gravely and barely louder than a whisper he sang to her.

 _"I'll tell you a story of a row in the town,_

 _When the green flag went up and the Crown rag came down,_

 _'Twas the neatest and sweetest thing ever you saw,_

 _And they played the best games played in Erin Go Bragh."_

She remembered the song, it was 'her' song. She felt herself begging to relax, almost as if she was melting into the bed. The monitors stopped alarming, her breathing slowed.

"Is she asleep?" she heard the doctor ask as everything slipped away.


	9. Chapter 9

"One of our comrades was down at Ring's end,

For the honor of Ireland to hold and defend,"

 _Erin looked up at her father, she was three years old and they were hiking up the biggest hill in the world. Well it felt like the biggest hill. They were on one of their very first hikes together and he was teaching her a new song._

"He had no veteran soldiers but volunteers raw,

Playing sweet Mauser music for…"

"Erin Go Bragh!"

 _She sang the last line in a voice almost at a yell, then her dad swept her into his arms and swung her around. She busted into a fit of giggles, and he tickled her tummy._

 _"Do you like this song?" he asked putting her down._

 _"Yep!" she said, a big smile on her face, "It has my name in it, Erin Go Bragh!"_

 _"Do you know what Erin Go Bragh means?" he asked her._

 _"Nope," she told him dancing around in a circle._

 _"It means Ireland forever," he told her, "this is an Irish battle song. Your granddad used to sing this song to me."_

 _"And now you sing it to me!"_

 _She kept dancing around as they walked further up the hill. Her dad taught her more of the song and they sung it together. She loved that it had her name in it, that it was going to be their song. She didn't understand most of the words but she didn't care._

…

"Daddy." The word slipped from Erin's mouth and she stirred in bed.

"Erin are you awake?" her Dad's voice pushed into her dream. She opened her eyes and looked around. She was back in the room she started the day in and there was her father standing beside her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him, sounding half asleep. "Shouldn't you be with Casey?"

"Casey's got her mom with her," he told her, "I didn't want you to be alone when you woke up."

"I'm used to being alone," she said trying to push herself into a sitting position, "Go be with Casey, I don't need you."

"I thought we could talk," he said sitting down in the chair beside her bed.

"I don't want to talk to you," she said turning her head away.

"You don't have to talk then," he told her, "just hear me out."

She didn't have any choice but to listen to him. The feeling still hadn't returned to her legs, she couldn't walk away.

"Fine talk," she said, not quite giving him eye contact.

He seemed to be taken aback by her direct response, by being given the opportunity to talk. It took him a minute to find his words.

"I'm sorry," he finally said, "I'm sorry I wasn't the father you needed me to be."

"I know," she said finally looking at him, "you said it in the letter. I know you're sorry but that doesn't change what you did. You left me, I was just a little kid and you left me. You can't just say you're sorry and think it will all be better. It's been twenty five years since I saw you, twenty five years where you could have said something and you didn't."

"You were better off without me," he said looking down.

"I was six, I needed you," She hadn't wanted to talk but now he'd insisted she was letting it out.

"You had your mother."

"I had you," she said cutting him off, "you were the one who looked after me, you were the one I needed. Mom she…" she couldn't find the words to describe her mother, "…she was a train wreck."

"I thought she'd be better. She was supposed to pull it together."

"She didn't," Erin said shaking her head.

"I'm sorry," her dad said again.

"Stop saying you're sorry," she said feeling annoyed, "it doesn't change anything. You can't take back the years you were in jail, and you can't take back the years you ignored me when you got out."

"I didn't ignore you," he said, "I was there at every one of your milestones."

"Hiding in the corner," she injected, "I didn't know you were there, it doesn't count. You ignored me for years. Would you even have written if Casey wasn't sick? If you didn't need something from me?"

The hesitation in his answer was all she needed to hear. "Go away," she said, "I'm done talking to you."

He didn't want to leave; she could see it in his posture, in the look he gave her. She started back at him, the frustration, and anger, and hurt all building up inside of her. "Leave," she said again, "I don't want to talk anymore."

She stared at him until he finally got up to leave. "Thank you Erin," he said as he got up to leave, "thank you for everything."

As the door closed behind him, she felt herself trembling all over. Her heart was racing, and then the tears started coming. After weeks of holding so much in she finally broke, she sobbed and she didn't even know why. She was over what her father had done, she'd let go of all that years ago. But now it all felt fresh, like it was all happening again. She cried until she fell asleep.

…

Hours later a nurse woke her to see how she was feeling, she felt unexpectedly tired, the spinal block was wearing off, there was a dull ache forming in her lower back, but her legs still felt strange. She asked when she could leave the hospital, now the donation was over all she wanted to do was leave. She didn't want to see her father again, the brief conversation they had was enough to confirm she was still a long way off being able to talk to him. She hated the way he made her feel, she could put a tough act on in front of him but inside she was a little girl. He made her feel like she wasn't good enough, even though she knew that wasn't true. It was him who wasn't good enough for her but that didn't stop everything feeling twisted inside.

More than anything she wished Jay was there, she didn't want to be alone anymore. She wanted him to talk to, and to give her a big hug. She wanted their simple closeness. She picked up her phone and tried to call him. Maybe talking to him on the phone would make her feel better but he didn't answer. She tried phoning him again but both times it went through to voicemail. She left him a message, told him to give her a call.

She thought about phoning one of the other guys from the unit but none of them knew where she was or what she was doing. She didn't want to have to explain that. She tried to watch some television, and ended up falling asleep again.

This time her sleep was dreamless, mentally and physically she was burnt out. When she woke again it was mid-afternoon and her phone was ringing. She smiled when she saw it was Jay.

"Hey Jay," she said trying to smile.

"Hey Erin, how are you feeling?" he asked her.

"Okay," she said though her lower back was aching a lot now, "I wish you were here."

"Really?" there was almost a coy tone to his voice, "I thought you wanted to do this alone."

"I did," she sighed, "but now it's done I just want to come home."

"You'll be home soon enough," he told her.

"I know," she sighed, "I just miss you."

"That's good," she could hear the smile in his voice and then the line went dead.

"Jay?" she said staring at her phone. She went to phone him back and then the door to her room opened. There was Jay, in the flesh, in front of her. A smile spread across her face, she'd never been so happy to see him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as he stepped forward to give her a hug and a kiss.

"I know you," he said with a smile, "I knew you'd change your mind."

"I'm glad you're here," she said with another sigh, "come sit with me." She slid over on the bed and Jay sat down beside her.

"How have you really been?" he asked when they were finally comfortable with her head resting against his chest.

"Okay," she said trying to find the right words, "I met Casey," she finally said, "she's such a sweet little girl."

"And your dad?"

"Nothing's changed," she said running her fingers along his arm, "he was here earlier, he kept saying he was sorry. I would of walked away if I could. I'm sick of hearing him say I'm sorry."

"He's gone now," Jay offered. "You don't have to talk to him again if you don't want. If he comes back I'll make him leave."

"Thanks," she said almost managing a smile.


	10. Chapter 10

Jay and Erin spent the rest of the afternoon together, just enjoying each other's company. They talked a little, about random and unimportant things. Jay helped Erin out of bed when she finally had enough feeling back in her legs to walk. He held onto her while they did a lap of the room. She liked him being there.

It was late in the afternoon when they let her leave the hospital. She was stiff and sore but otherwise fine. They told her to take it easy for a few days and just take Tylenol for the pain. She was to call them if she got sick but otherwise she could do what she wanted. They'd call her in three days to let her know if the transplant looked like it was sticking or if they needed additional bone marrow. So far they said it looked good.

Jay carried her bag as they walked out the hospital together, on that first night they ordered room service for dinner. And for the next three days they pretended they were on vacation. It was the first time they'd left the city together without work as a back drop. It was kind of fun, they went on a tour of the Budweiser factory and Jay even managed to get them tickets to a baseball game. As much as she could Erin pushed the stuff with her dad and Casey out of her mind, she tried not to think about them and to just enjoy herself. By the time she got the call to say she could leave she was ready to go home, and get back to her real life.

Back at the unit there were a handful of jokes about the two of them going away together. They smiled nodded and threw back the smart comments when they had them. No one had any idea what had actually happened. The bruising and slight hobble Erin had when she stood she blamed on a fall, said she slipped and landed flat on her arse. That lead to another round of jokes and playful ribbing.

The weeks and months trickled by in leaps and bounds, and crawls. Sometimes time went quickly other times it dragged. Erin tried not to think about Casey, she didn't have any right to know how she was. If she phoned her dad he'd tell her but she didn't want to do that. They weren't her family; she wasn't a part of their lives. If Casey had just been some other kid she would have helped them as well, her donation had nothing to do with the kid being her sister. She'd learnt long ago family wasn't made of blood; it was made from the people in your life, from people showing they cared. They weren't her family, Jay was her family, Voight was her family, the guys in the unit were her family. With time she forgave Voight for keeping her father from her, it changed their relationship a little but they moved forward. She grew closer to Jay though, he was the one she talked to when she needed to get it all out.

Six months later a letter arrived for her in the post. The address was hand written and the envelope looked like it had come from a stationery set. She knew who it was from even before she opened it, seeing the envelope was enough to make her heart skip a beat. Sitting alone in her apartment she opened the envelope. Two sheets of paper came out, one a letter, the other a drawing.

 _Dear Erin,_

The letter said in the loopy writing of a child.

 _Thank you for the bone marrow. Dr Mark says I'm in remission again and I get to go back to school when summer is over. I'm going to be in third grade. I drew you a picture. It's of you and me building a sand castle. Can you come and visit? I want to give you a thank you hug._

 _Love Casey_

Erin smile at the words and gazed at the drawing, it was a good drawing. The castle was detailed, and they both wore matching outfits. Casey had drawn both of them with long brown hair, and blue swim tops and yellow shorts.

She loved the letter, she was glad to hear that Casey was better, that the transplant had worked but she wasn't sure about visiting her. As much as she loved the little girl, she couldn't visit Casey without visiting her father. She wrote back to her.

 _Dear Casey,_

 _I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. Thank you for the drawing, I love it. I can't come to visit but we can keep writing if you want._

 _Love Erin_

Before she posted the letter she went to the book store and bought another book.

Two months later another letter arrived from Casey, this one had a drawing, and a school photo in it and again Casey asked Erin to visit. She wrote back again saying she couldn't visit, and sent a photo of herself with Jay, and another book.

A few months later another letter came, Casey told her all about school, and her friends and what she was doing, and again asked her to come visit.

"What do I tell her?" Erin asked Jay, "I don't want to tell her the truth, she loves her dad and I don't want to change that but I can't see him, I can't go over there and be a happy family or something."

"Do you want to see her?" Jay asked, "If you didn't have to see your father would you want to see her?"

"Yeah," Erin said, "I wouldn't mind seeing Casey again."

"Maybe she could come here?" Jay offered, "She's healthy now, she could come here and you won't have to see your father."

"Maybe," Erin said as the thought began brewing inside of her.

* * *

 **AN: Sorry that part was kind of short. I had planned to end the story there but I will be writing one more part after this one. I hope you're enjoying the story, I'd love to hear from you.**


	11. Chapter 11

Erin handed her gate pass and ID to the TSA officer and smiled; the woman gave a half smile back, checked her ID against her pass, signed it and gave it back. Not for the first time Erin thought the people working airport security looked sad. She wasn't sad though she was happy, today she was going to see Casey again and it wasn't behind some rouse, there was no pretending this time.

She was nervous about seeing Casey again, nervous and also really excited. It had taken over six months of planning for this day to finally arrive. In that time she'd had numerous conversations with Casey's mom. The two had come to a mutual understanding of each other, and while not friends they got along okay. All their conversations centred around Casey, how she was, what she'd been doing, and planning this trip. She'd avoided talking to her dad entirely, she was warming to the idea of a relationship with him, but she needed to do it on her own terms.

Spending a few days with Casey was the first step, if the visit went well she knew she'd have to consider a return trip to St Louis. While she waited she phoned Jay, he was waiting down by baggage claim. The airline wouldn't give him a gate pass but he said it was okay. He'd wait for them; entertain himself by crowd watching.

…

Time ticked by slowly but finally Casey's plane landed. Erin watched as the plane pulled into the gate and the aero bridge was put in place. She stood up, walked as close to the door as she could and waited. As the people started coming through the doors she took a step back to give them space. Slowly at first but then like a wave the people started exiting the plane, she looked at the people, faces, searching for the one she was waiting for. The flood of people slowed to a trickle again, she stepped closer to the door. Her heart was racing in her chest, her hands were sweating, she was getting worried maybe she had the time or gate wrong, she checked her gate pass; she was in the right place.

What felt like forever but was maybe only a minute passed, and there was Casey walking towards her, chatting away to the flight attendant who was carrying her bag. Erin's smile grew wider as she watched the girl walk towards her; it had been over a year since she'd last seen her and boy had she changed. Casey wasn't a sick little girl anymore, she was three inches taller, and her hair had grown out in thick brown waves which hung just below her shoulders. She had colour in her face and a spring in her step.

"Erin!" she exclaimed as their eyes met and then she was running towards her. They greeted each other with a big hug and for a moment they just stood there holding each other. The moment may have lasted longer but the flight attendant interrupted them. Erin showed them her ID; signed some paperwork and then the two of them were walking off together.

"Did you have fun on the plane?" Erin asked trying to get a conversation started.

"Yeah," Casey said a smile spreading across her face, "I got to meet the pilot, he came and said hello to me and mommy before we left and gave me a colouring book."

"That was nice of him," Erin smiled.

"Yeah," Casey said nodding, "and on the plane I sat right at the back, and Kelly the flight attendant you talked to sat with me when she didn't have other jobs to do and we played games."

"Sounds fun," Erin smiled, "was that your first time on a plane?"

"When I was little I went on one but I don't remember it."

They kept talking about the plane as they made their way through the airport. Erin could feel a warmness inside her, she hadn't felt this happy in a long time.

…

Jay stood up as the people from Casey's plane began to arrive at baggage claim. He watched the crowd until he finally spotted Erin and Casey. Erin looked happier than he'd seen her in a long time, she was practically glowing and there was a bounce in her step.

He felt a big goofy smile spreading across his face and when he met eyes with Erin he saw the same smile spread across hers. When they were close enough he walked towards them.

"Casey, this is my partner Jay," Erin said introducing them, "Jay, this is Casey."

"Hi Casey," he said holding out his hand, "It's nice to finally meet you. Erin has been telling me all about you."

"Hi," Casey said back suddenly acting shy.

Erin casually put an arm around her and gave her a little hug. "Shall we get your bag and go get some food?"

"Okay," Casey said, relaxing again.

…

On their first day together they didn't do anything exiting, just went out of burgers, and then came home to watch movies, eat popcorn, and plan the rest of the week. Casey had never been to Chicago so there was lots of things for them to see and do. Erin had the whole week off work but Jay was working a few days so they planned things for the three of them to do, and stuff for just the two of them.

They planned trips to the aquarium, museum, navy pier, Millennium Park, Willis towers, the beach, Wrigley field. Casey was a ball of energy who seemed to be excited about everything, in the evening when they'd come back to the apartment she'd scoot up close to Erin's side and they'd sit together watching movies. Their week together was perfect but as the last day wound to an end Casey started throwing out the hard questions.

"Erin, are you Jay going to come to St Louis?" Casey asked as they ate dinner.

Erin looked over at Jay, he shrugged, this was all on her, "maybe," she said not wanting to commit to anything.

"I'd really like you to come," Casey said persisting, "I want to show you my favourite places."

"That would be nice," Erin smiled, "but it's not that simple."

They hadn't mentioned their dad all week. For Erin the omission had been intentional, she had her issues with him, to her he'd done something which was maybe unforgiveable but he was still a fantastic father to Casey. She didn't want to confuse Casey, she didn't want to cloud her opinion of her dad, because despite everything she knew he was still a good person.

"Sure it is," Casey smiled, "you just go on the internet and buy the plane tickets and then you come visit."

"There is a little more to it than that," Erin smiled.

"Like what?" Casey asked, as she put a carrot in her mouth. Erin and Jay exchanged a look, Casey chewed and swallowed her food, "is this because of Dad?" she asked getting more direct.

Erin swallowed her mouthful of food, "why would you think that?" she asked.

"I know you don't talk to him," Casey said looking straight at her, "sometimes when you'd be talking to mom, dad would ask if she'd let him talk to you. She always said no, and sometimes she'd even go sit in another room."

"Oh," Erin said looking at Casey, she hadn't realised how perceptive the girl was. "Do you know why I don't want to talk to Dad?" she asked.

"He said it was because he went to jail when you were little."

"That's part of it," Erin said trying to pick her words carefully, she hadn't planned having this conversation with Casey, "we might have been okay, but then when he got out of jail, he didn't talk to me either."

"He said you had a new Dad, that you didn't need him."

"I didn't need him," she sighed, "but I wanted him, he was still my dad."

"You could have him now," Casey offered, "I really wants you."

"I know," Erin sighed, she was having a hard time trying to explain this to Casey, "I love you Casey," she said taking a different approach, "I love having you in my life, this week has been great but if you'd never been sick, if you didn't need something from me we never would have met. I wouldn't even know you existed."

"Oh," Casey said, that sentence she seemed to understand. Erin watched her closely as she processed the information. "You don't have to come visit," she finally said, her eyes were down cast she looked sad, "I'll just take some photos and bring them next time."

"No," Erin said reaching out, she hated seeing Casey look so sad, "I'll come visit you, we'll work something out."

"Really?" the light came back in Casey's eyes almost instantly, "you're not just saying that."

"No," Erin said smiling, "I'll come visit you."

A smile began spreading across Casey's face, she stood up and walked around the table, she wrapped her arms around Erin. "I love you," she said, her words muffled in Erin's shoulder.

…

Later that night after Casey was in bed, Jay came and sat down beside her.

"You really going to St Louis?" he asked her.

"You're coming too," she said smiling at him, "I said I'd go so, we're going. I'm not going there alone."

"We're going, right," he said reaching out and wrapping an arm around her. "What made you change your mind?"

"I didn't really," she said sighing, "I just wanted to make her happy."

"She did get pretty excited when you said yes didn't she," Jay smiled.

"Yeah," Erin said letting out a small laugh, pictures of the rest of their evening were running through her mind. Casey always seemed to have a lot of energy but she'd been off the walls all night. She kept thinking of new things they could do. The list was getting so long, they gave her a note book to write them all down in.

The evening had been fun, a great way to end their week together.

The next morning as they drove to the airport Casey was still talking about it.

"So when are you going to come visit?" Casey finally asked. They were waiting at the gate for her plane to board.

"I don't know," Erin told her, "I've got to book some more time off work, and I need to talk to your mom."

"Mom won't mind you coming," Casey offered.

"I'm sure she won't," Erin smiled, "but I can't tell you a time now without talking a few things through with her first. I don't want to tell you a date and have to change it later."

"I think you should come this summer," Casey told her, "or you could come for Thanksgiving, or Christmas. We have the best Christmases."

"Really?" Erin smiled, "tell me about them."

For the rest of the wait, Casey told Erin all about how the family celebrated Christmas. Hearing how excited Casey was made her smile, she hadn't celebrated Christmas properly for years.

…

 _A few months later_

Erin pulled the car up in front of the plain red brick house with the pitched roof.

"We're here," she said turning to Jay and letting out a long sigh. They were in St Louis, in front of the house Casey lived with her mom and dad. A lot of thought and planning had gone into the trip, and while she felt nervous about seeing her dad, there were other things she was really looking forward to.

"We're here," Jay smiled back at her, "you good?"

"Yeah," Erin said reaching for the door handle, she climbed out the car, and walked to the front door with Jay beside her. She rang the doorbell and seconds later she heard the thump thump of feet running to the door. The door unlocked and there was Casey standing in front of them.

"It is them," Casey called back into the house before giving Erin and then Jay hugs. While they were hugging Casey's mom came to the door as well.

"It's nice to finally meet you in person," Casey's mom said holding out a hand, "I'm Sarah, Casey's mom." Erin took the outstretched hand and shook it, "and you must be Jay," she said holding out her hand again, "I'm glad you could finally make it."

"We are to," Erin smiled.

The three adults stood looking at each other; an awkward silence filled the space.

"Frank's just gone to pick up pizza," Sarah said, filling some of the silence, "you guys should come in. Would you like a drink?"

"Some water would be great," Erin said stepping into the house. They were standing in the living room; it had a sofa, and two arm chairs and a big screen television in it. Across the room was a door leading to the kitchen and another door to the side leading to more of the house.

"Come look at my bedroom," Casey said, taking Erin's hand. Erin reached for Jay and the three of them began walking through the room. Casey led them through the door, and up a flight of stairs. Casey's room was a finished attic, at one end of it were two twin beds and along the wall was a chest of draws, a dolls house, and a massive bookshelf full of books.

Erin and Jay sat down on one of the beds, as Casey began pulling out toys and books to show them. Erin smiled and let herself get wrapped up in Casey's excitement. None of them heard the front door open when Frank arrived with the pizza. The first sign he was there was when they heard him climbing the stairs.

Before she had time to process that this moment was about to happen, he was standing in the room. "Come on kids, dinner is here," he said looking from Casey to Erin, and then smiling. Casey took off down the stairs but Erin lingered a moment, took her time to stand up.

"I'm glad you could come," her dad said extending his hand, "it's good to see you again Erin."

"You too," Erin said shaking his hand, "this is my partner Jay."

"Jay," Frank smiled, "Casey's told me about you too." The two men exchanged handshakes, and an awkward silence followed. "Lets go downstairs and eat," Frank finally said, "if we stay here too long Casey will eat it all."

They all let out a little laugh, and Frank turned to walk out the room. Erin and Jay followed a little way behind, "that wasn't so bad," Jay whispered as they walked down the stairs.

"Yeah," Erin smiled, "I think it's going to be okay."

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading, I'd love some reviews. :-) . I think I'm going to leave the story there.**

 **I have some ideas for a new story and want to go back and try and finish my other story.**


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